Grief and Sexual Trauma

Grief and trauma are so interwoven it’s hard to know where one ends and the other begins. I thought I would take some time to discuss the different types I have felt and often see with clients who have experienced sexual trauma.  

~Losses in general from sexual trauma

• Childhood or life stage (adolescence, college)

• Innocence

• Family

• Memory

• Mental health, physical health

• Faith/spirituality 

• Identity

• Financial stability

• Community

The term “disenfranchised grief” describes the feelings surrounding a loss that is not “socially acceptable”, publicly mourned, or openly acknowledged. I think there are so many aspects of sexual trauma that fall into this category. 

~Naming just a few types of losses that might come with disenfranchised grief: 

• The person who harmed us dies

• Abortion

• Our first sexual experience being non-consensual 

• Loss of a sense of safety in the world

• Abusive relationship ends 

Really these lists can go on and on, and is specific to each person. 

~What to do

When healing from sexual trauma, it is so important to acknowledge what we have lost, and how that has impacted us. Sometimes even speaking to our grief as if it were a person can be helpful. If your grief were sitting in front of you, what do you think it needs from you? What do you think it would want you to hear? 

Are there ways to honor these losses that would be healing or helpful for you? Loss can feel very apparent around holidays or anniversaries of events, and sometimes having ceremonies or rituals can help us create space for our grief and honor what we’ve lost. 

Being in community with supportive others, and even others who have similar experiences can do wonders to allow our grief to be seen and heard. 

Are there types of loss that I did not mention here? Feel free to email me your thoughts at jkulkalcsw@gmail.com.